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Hello , As what i'm gonna say today ; feelings. (':
` Telling myself it isn't worth, obviously . It doesn't work. At all . Looking at you retweeting or favouriting her tweets is like thousand and thousand of knifes stabbing inside my heart . Imagine it , hurts ? Right. Honestly, it's the obvious word you would say . It's like how you're hurting me , hurts . It hurts like one mother fucker . You care for her, you cheer her up when she's sad . What about me ? That girl you don't care . That girl who you neglect , that girl whom care for you and wants your attention so badly . All i can tell myself is , he'll notice you. Just wait, he'll care. It's just the matter of time. I'm lying to myself , isn't it ? You won't care, you won't bother , you won't notice . Right ? All you bother about , all you care , all you notice about is your crush . your crush . YOUR CRUSH . NOT ME . RIGHT? Why am i lying to myself ? (': . Reality hurts, truth hurts, love hurts. This feeling hurts, and you're the one who made me feel like this. I can't say i hate you . Because i love you , the only i one i hate is HER , and MYSELF . I know myself, i honestly can't get hurt anymore . I'm exhausted , i'm drained , i'm tired . But again and again i'm trying and trying . My friends told me to stop trying , they're hurt by seeing me get hurt . I'm sorry , They're mad at me for caring so much, for trying so hard for someone who wouldn't appreciate . They're mad at me because i'm wasting my time crying for someone who don't even care about me. I just smiled and told them, i'll give up soon. Not only i'm lying to them.. I'm lying to myself too .. I want, of course i want to give up on you.. But i can't .. Do you know how difficult is it to forget someone who used to be there when you need advice the most? Who used to make you laugh by his stupid actions .. Who used to make you smile the whole day just by remembering what you said . By saying things just to make you happy... It's not that easy .. Everytime after i cry , i have to remember to remind myself to fake a smile to everybody i see to not let them worry about me .. I have to remind myself to act like i don't care about you when i see you in school .. I don't want to care too.... It's not that simple.. Crying myself to sleep, comforting myself that you'll care one day... In fact, i know that you won't... Why can't you notice me.. Why can't you care ... One day , i'll forget you ...
I took your words seriously, & what happened ? You lied.
You freaking lied to me, when you're the one whom i trust the most.
You know how hurt am I for this past 5 days for you not talking to me.
Yup, maybe you're going well with your crush and stuff or whatever. But you forgotten me ?
` I'm the one, who don't mind doing almost everything just to make you feel better, I know finding quotes from apps and sending to you is a useless method even though i hope you'll feel better . But i find, I find and find and find from different sorts of sources. Telling you so many different things , to ask you to build up your smile again. You said you didn't receive any birthday presents before, I don't mind saving money to buy you or make you one birthday present just to see you smile . I'll try my very best to buy what you want. Just tell me. You tell me your problems, you're upset because your crush is troubled. I'm here to let say everything you want to say even though it really hurts me to hear you being so upset over your crush because she has the rights. Telling you it's alright, please stay strong . I'll be there when you need someone and stuff. You said okay, then you smiled. I know it's fake but I played along with you. Just to let you have that basic smile, i'm that only one who goes crazy for you even though you do something people would think it's so freaking stupid . I can laugh at your silliest mistakes for hours, days, weeks. Just by thinking about that. Getting troubled and lost when you're upset, don't know how to cheer you up and getting fed up about myself. Yes , you cheered me up when i'm so upset. When i felt that there will be nobody that would be there for me, you told me you would stay. You gave me that small little tiny hope that brought me to smile, after a day . You left, without any notice, any warning . You just walked away, you may think it's nothing but it's like losing the whole world i'm having now. The source to my smile .Your leave is the reason to my tears , the reason of writing all this stuff . The reason why i asked myself again and again for days, hours, weeks . And blamed myself for not being good enough . For hating myself to not be like her , asked myself where can I improve to be like her so that you would like me too . Ever imagine how painful it can be to miss someone you can never have ? Maybe when she decides she doesn't want to be single anymore and you would have that chance. Another reason added that you would ignore me and stuff. Ever wondered how much it hurts to feel that no one in this world would freaking appreciate you for the things that you do and still, you have to fake that smile so that people won't judge you that much . It's so much more painful than a woman giving birth and a hardcore kick is given to a guy's dick. It's like the thought of you can bring me to tears , heart tearing moment times a thousand million billion . I want you to stay, but would you ? I need you, but will you be there ? I love you, but would you love me back ? No... I know i have to move on because this ain't bringing me to anywhere, but i can't . I know i have to let go because holding on is pouring tons of salt to this open wound . But i can't . Seeing you smile but the reason isn't me. Hurts, so freaking much.
